🧪 Groovitons¶
Theoretical Particle. Practical Funk.
🧠 What is a Grooviton?¶
A Grooviton is a hypothetical — and yet strangely very real — subatomic particle responsible for transmitting rhythm across the fabric of space-time.
Discovered entirely by accident (and one remarkably funky telescope technician), Groovitons are the quantum bridge between music and gravity.
They are released naturally whenever:
- Basslines drop near stellar bodies
- Dance moves are performed in strong gravitational fields
- Someone claps in 7/8 time on a neutron star
⚙️ Physical Properties¶
| Property | Value |
|---|---|
| Particle Family | Rhythm Boson |
| Spin | Funky (non-integer) |
| Mass | Depends entirely on vibe |
| Charge | Electrically neutral, but emotionally charged |
| Speed | Travels at the speed of head-nod |
Groovitons are not directly observable, but their presence is implied by spontaneous toe-tapping in low-gravity environments.
📏 The Groovitonic Scale¶
Groovitons are also used as a scientific unit of groove, used by musicians, physicists, and cool cats across the known multiverse.
| Groovitons (gvt) | Description |
|---|---|
| 0 gvt | Utterly groove-dead. Like a PDF of silence. |
| 0.5 gvt | Elevator hold music, pre-jazz. |
| 1 gvt | Acceptable toe-tap range. Tap cautiously. |
| 2 gvt | Funk adjacent. Synchronized shoulder swaying observed. |
| 5 gvt | Dangers of involuntary head bobbing. |
| 10 gvt | Immediate dancefloor material. Shipwide groove emergency may be declared. |
| 20+ gvt | Illegal in 7 systems. May distort time signatures in local reality. |
Grooviton detectors must be recalibrated during Mercury retrograde and disco eclipses.
🧃 Where Are They Found?¶
Groovitons are commonly found near:
- Black holes that once hosted funk concerts
- Collapsing stars that collapsed in style
- Forgotten jukeboxes orbiting rogue moons
- The Gravirhythm Wells of Singulon, where Groovitons practically leak from the space-time fabric
Groovitons have also been unintentionally summoned during saxophone solos of sufficient emotional intensity.
🧁 Lucy’s Scientific Footnote¶
“Groovitons are real.
The dancefloor is curved.
Keep your paws on the beat.” — Lucy the Cat
🔬 Research Status¶
Officially categorized as: - “Empirically unprovable, but extremely danceable”
Groovitons remain a key area of research within the Department of Quantum Vibes and Experimental Rhythmology.